The Quest for Basic Human Goodness

March 28, 2021 / Jame A. Agapoff, MD, MS (she/they) / Leave a comment

A human life is a series of choices in search of greater meaning. This journey can be difficult and scary at times. In one life it is possible to be both a hedonist and an ascetic. Our ability to choose and change our path makes this life very special.

How we decide to measure worth and accomplishment in our life is important. I personally believe real worth and accomplishment have nothing to do with fame or wealth. Just as not everyone with money is happy, having fame or wealth, does not necessarily indicate true worth and accomplishment. This instead comes from a quest for basic human goodness.

The path of basic human goodness is within everyone’s grasp. It is a path that unites and brings peace to oneself and others. Listed below are the qualities of basic human goodness that we may use to measure real worth and accomplishment. Working on these qualities each day can bring a greater sense of fulfillment, hope, and joy into one’s life.

Generosity: Be generous with your time and resources even when not solicited.
Kindness: Extend kindness even to your enemies.
Gentleness: Touch the world softly and few troubles will find you.
Frugality: There is contentment in restraint.
Truth: Speak truth even when it exposes your weaknesses.
Humility: The strong are not haughty.
Openness: Be keen to the perspectives of others as they may reveal our own blind spots.
Civility: Treat everyone as a reflection of your ideal self.
Forgiveness: The most powerful thing in the universe.
Goodness: That which empowers and does no harm.

Perfecting the qualities of basic human goodness begins with an aspiration to live a life of purpose and meaning. On this path, we are truly equal in our potential. May you attain great worth and accomplishment on your quest!

Finding Peace Amidst Life’s Frustrations

March 27, 2021 / Jame A. Agapoff, MD, MS (she/they) / Leave a comment

Sometimes, life’s frustrations are just annoying. It would be easy just to throw our hands up and walk away. If the problems disappeared, this might be a reasonable strategy. But life’s frustrations keep coming back, and they seem to get worse the longer we ignore them.

Finding peace amidst life’s frustrations is a challenge, but peace is achievable when we modify our expectations, reactions, and approach.

Expectations: Modifying our expectations of an outcome has a profound impact on how we feel about a situation. High expectations are like dreams and fantasies… they rarely come true. If our expectations are set too high, trouble and disappointment are sure to follow. It is always better to approach situations openly and see what life offers. There is a difference between agreeing with and accepting a situation. We may accept but still disagree in the same breath. Think of expectations like judgements made without weighing the evidence. This is always a problem.

Reactions: Choosing how we react to frustrations often affects their course. Have you ever noticed that our reactions are like self-fulfilling prophecies. There is a phenomena in psychiatry called projective identification where individuals project their emotions onto you and you react as if they are your own. I’ve observed (and experienced) this phenomena first hand. Luckily, if we are mindful, we can choose not to identify with the emotions being projected upon us. This is key when working with difficult people who test our boundaries.

How we react to expectations not met is also important. We may be open and accepting and still end up disappointed by a situation. In this case, the best reaction is still no reaction. If a situation can’t be fixed, simply walking away from it is the best action.

Approach: Similar to mindset, each one of us has a unique approach to life’s problems based on our past experiences. This philosophy is informed by our culture, community, faith, and learning. Approach is not static. If we are unhappy with how we handle particular situations, we can change our approach over time. Approach is like lifestyle–it can take a while to modify, but it is built on the alteration of small habits over time. This means taking personal accountability for our reactions and expectations, and placing the onus of change on ourselves rather that outward forces.

Finding peace amidst life’s frustrations is within all of our reach. May you be healthy, wealthy, and wise!

On Virtue and Writing

March 26, 2021March 26, 2021 / Jame A. Agapoff, MD, MS (she/they) / Leave a comment

“Everything is path.” This Buddhist saying has always resonated with me. It implies that every action is sacred and consequential.

Writers write for many reasons. Some write for fun, for reflection, as therapy, or for others. For those of us who write for others, the goal may be to provide leisure, hope, inspiration, meaning, or escape. I believe good and virtuous writing can be all these things at once.

Virtuous writing is a skillful means. A skillful means is a method or ‘short-cut’ for bringing about rapid change and/or benefit to self and others. Here, I review some writing formats that can be used as a skillful means for generating virtue.

Poetry/Haiku: Poetry and Haiku are ancient arts that inspire a range of positive emotions in those who read them. This art form is self-reflective, inspires personal growth, and can bring about joy.
Academic Writing: Academic writing provides evidenced-based data and opinions on a wide range of research topics. In medicine, academic writing has the potential to improve therapeutic treatments and health care.
Short Stories/Novels: Sometimes, the best way to learn is through the actions and experiences of others. Novels and short stories can tackle complex social issues in fictional settings. As readers, we appropriate the lessons learned by fictional characters and become part of their story.
Blogging: I arrived late to this party, but I find it a wonderful medium to speak into peoples lives. Many of us have experience and expertise that has the potential to benefit others. Sharing and commenting on blogs is a positive way to speak directly into the lives of others.
Coding/Design: This may sound odd, but code writers and programmers shape our lives everyday when we search the internet. A coder/designer’s ‘writing’ provides us the interface to access and spread content across the internet. If used wisely, this kind of writing has the potential to bring about much benefit in the world.
Social Media: Social media like coding/design has the ability to generate virtue. Many of us have seen examples of these platforms being used to spread lies and disinformation. For those of us interested in spreading light and hope in the world, social media can be a powerful tool for good. Comment, post, and be part of the solution.

Writing is a powerful tool for wellbeing, personal growth, and bringing about benefit and happiness to others. Like any art, it takes practice and perseverance. Don’t give up. Write, and write often. That’s the recipe for success.

Thanks for reading!

Uprooting the Myth of Scarcity

March 25, 2021 / Jame A. Agapoff, MD, MS (she/they) / Leave a comment

Why do we experience emotions like greed and envy?

The desire to have something another individual has is greed. Envy, on the other hand, is desiring another person not to have something if you can’t have it yourself. Greed and envy undermine our human connections and lead us to unhappiness.

One root of greed and envy is the myth of scarcity. This has also been referred to as the belief of limited good. This belief implies that there is a limited amount of success and opportunities in the world and that you are in competition for those resources.

All of us have fallen for the myth of scarcity at one point in our lives, but is it true?

The belief of limited good is a self-fulfilling belief. When you believe others have what you want and that their success limits your own, you create a reality where this becomes true. The myth of scarcity blinds us to all our freedoms and opportunities for success. It robs us of acceptance and gratitude and sows the seeds of discontent. The myth of scarcity is like staring at the ground between our feet and saying, “This is the entire world.”

To uproot the myth of scarcity requires that we begin to praise others for their successes and good fortune. Next time you feel greed or envy, visualize that person in your mind and say, “I wish for you continued success, wealth, and happiness.” Next, reflect on your own freedoms and opportunities. Consider all the possibilities and choices available in your life. Notice how limitless they are and resolve to seize them!

Success, like happiness, is an active process. It doesn’t matter where you start on the track of life so long as you don’t see it as a race. Our western culture of comparison has brought us much envy and greed but little satisfaction. Overcoming anything, including self-destructive mental states, begins with an aspiration, and is followed by practice, practice, practice.

May you be healthy, wealthy, and wise!

Short Morning Meditation Practices for Success

March 24, 2021 / Jame A. Agapoff, MD, MS (she/they) / Leave a comment

Our lives are filled with competing interests. Sometimes, it is difficult to find time for personal growth. A motivational speaker once said, “We don’t let our cars run out of gas before we put more gas in them. Why do we let ourselves run on empty before we do something about it?”

Each morning, we have the opportunity to fill up our emotional and spiritual tanks to help us better cope with the challenges and opportunities of the day. In some cases these practices take only a few minutes but can be readily expanded based on the practitioners preference. These reflections can be done alone or added together. Sequence is not important.

To complete these practices, begin by assuming a restful position. If you drink coffee or tea, grab a cup and take a seat. Allow the mind to rest and be open. Whatever plans you have for the day, whatever obligations await you, gently push them aside for a moment and simply rest in the moment.

The Practices:

A Reflection on Freedoms and Opportunities. Every days brings with it an opportunity for improvement and change. Each of us has freedoms; freedoms are things like assets, physical health, relationships, skills and knowledge, and other characteristics that we can draw upon to change our lives. Freedoms are what we can do with what we have. Opportunities, on the other hand, are often external and represent possibilities for growth and change. How much we are aware and take advantage of our freedoms and opportunities shapes our future. When we reflect on our freedoms and opportunities, it brings them ‘front and center’ in our awareness. This increases motivation, decreases procrastination, and helps us better act in the present.
Reflections on Impermanence. Human existence is impermanent. Knowing that life will end and that the people and things we care about will also end is a strong motivating force for action. For example, think about your body. It is youthful and energetic now, but there is no guarantee it will be like that tomorrow. Consider your loved ones. Their fate is as uncertain as your own. None of us know whether this will be our last day on earth–so why not act diligently and with purpose like it is. Why not act with gentleness and kindness? Why not be diligent and act with purpose?
Gratitude and Acceptance Practice. There is much misery and depression in not accepting conditions. Feeling sorry for ourselves and focusing on the negative is like quicksand: it traps us. No matter what hand life has dealt you, all of us have something to be grateful for. When we start the day reflecting on gratitude and accepting the day (and ourselves) for what they are, we find peace and serenity in the ordinary. Our minds become more flexible and open, and it becomes easier to act for the benefit of ourselves and others. To do this practice simply reflect on all the things you are grateful for in your life: food, shelter, assets, family, work. Consider how much more you have compared to others. Now, regardless of your life’s circumstances, tell yourself, “I am very blessed and grateful for what I have. I accept my life’s conditions and I will try to improve them where I can.”
Spirit Animal Visualization. Many of us identify with a spirit animal or other supernatural force that represents our innate spiritual power or potential. Taking time to visualize this entity, including its physical and metaphysical characteristics can help us appropriate those qualities as our own. To do this practice, simply visualize your spirit animal, or visualize yourself as your spirit animal. Consider the qualities it represents in you: strength, peace, freedom, hope. Be at one with those qualities. Understand that no matter where your day leads you, you can always recall your spirit animal to give you strength.
Meditation on the Purifying Flame. Many of us carry around emotional baggage that wears us down. Past relationships, bad decisions, and missed opportunities haunt us. To perform this practice, visualize a flame either before you or inside of you. No imagine all your fears and doubts being cast into it and being turned to dust. Imagine that whatever you toss into this flame is purified and no longer holds power over you.
The Great Offering Practice. Difficult people are everywhere. It is easy to get caught up in their negativity and react in kind. Don’t to it! When we act our in anger we give away our peace and power. To better manage our strong emotions with difficult people, I recommend this simple practice. To begin, simply visualize the difficult person before you. Now, in your mind or aloud say, “I wish to be wealthy, happy, and wise.” As you offer this blessing, imagine the other person smiling as they receive it. Their peace brings you peace, and they no longer have power over you.

Starting your day with one or more of these practices can have a powerful impact on your outlook and actions. May you be wealthy, happy, and wise!

Domo Arigato Everything

March 23, 2021 / Jame A. Agapoff, MD, MS (she/they) / Leave a comment

Arigato is the Japanese word for ‘Thank You.’ Domo Arigato is loosely translated, ‘Thanks a Lot.’

A happy life begins with gratitude, acceptance, and allowing. I’ve met many happiness pessimists. Happiness, like other human pursuits, is not guaranteed. Life has many turns, crossroads, and dead ends that mold our thoughts, emotions, and feelings.

Happiness begins with an aspiration for happiness. This is as simple as telling yourself, “I want to be happy.” All great achievements begin with aspiration wishes and there is no greater aim than the wish to be happy. Domo Arigato everything is a method or skillful means to help us transform our wish for happiness into a reality.

To perform this practice, begin by generating a heart of acceptance. Acceptance is achieved by choosing to be at peace with our current conditions. Acceptance and arigato flow together. Consider every action and interaction as an opportunity to be grateful or express thanks.

At first it may feel awkward to thank the challenges that enter our lives, but this is a powerful practice for transforming our heart and minds. Even difficult people deserve our arigato. We may not thank them outwardly; however, we can thank them internally for offering us the opportunity to practice patience and kindness.

Try arigato out and see how it feels. Thank your bills for the services they provide. Thank your friends and family for their companionship. Thank your body for getting you around and forgive it for its imperfections. Practice arigato everywhere and in everything, and abundance and happiness will flow naturally into your life evermore.

Domo Arigato for reading!

Photo by TUBARONES PHOTOGRAPHY on Pexels.com

Abandon Apocalyptic Frameworks

March 22, 2021 / Jame A. Agapoff, MD, MS (she/they) / Leave a comment

It is a fantastic time to be a human. For so many of us, the choice to live a life aligned with our passions is within reach. We have the opportunity to travel, build wealth, raise families, practice our faiths, and form meaningful and lasting relationships. Yet, despite having so many freedoms and opportunities many people are unhappy and are prone to apocalyptic frameworks of mind.

Doomsday predictions and fears about the future are nothing new. Entire faiths have been founded around the idea that the world is coming to an end. Ironically, they are still around. 🙂 When I hear financial gurus talk about the “death of the dollar,” or “the collapse of the American economy,” I listen for the facts, and if none exist, move on. Let me tell you a secret, your fear is making someone else rich.

Another area where apocalyptic frameworks exist is in politics. Right now, a large majority of Americans believe a host of dangerous conspiracy theories about our elections. Despite having no credible cases or facts to substantiate their claims, they hold to their false beliefs. Sadly, some politicians have perpetuated lies and disinformation for their own gain. This is dangerous for democracy and society. Hint, when you don’t belief non-partisan fact checking organizations, you’ve probably driven off the road into the weeds.

The mental energies we nurture and spread have a profound impact on the world around us. There is a practical law of attraction in the universe: what we focus on and work toward naturally comes into being. If you believe the world is going to end and you need to stock up on bullets, gold, and freeze-dried food, chances are that this will be your reality. These kind of energies can give a life focus, but they will probably not lead to contentment. Any path based on fear generates more fear. Heroes prevent apocalypses, they don’t create them.

Mastering the “Practical” Law of Attraction

March 21, 2021 / Jame A. Agapoff, MD, MS (she/they) / Leave a comment

The Law of Attraction is the belief that positive and negative thoughts influence our experiences. There is no scientific evidence to indicate that positive thinking directly influences experiences; however, there is a preponderance of evidence showing that our thinking and outward expression of emotions has a powerful impact on people, situations, and outcomes important to us.

GRIT: A term coined by psychologist, Angela Duckworth, in her book GRIT: The Power of Passion and Perseverance. According to Dr. Duckworth, Talent X EFFORT = Skill and Skill X EFFORT = Achievement. Gritty individuals succeed because they are persistent, hard working, and don’t give up when they face a challenge. GRIT is the antidote to adversity.

Positive Psychology: A field of psychology developed by psychologist, Martin Seligman. In his 2011 book, Flourish, Dr. Seligman identifies 5 elements of wellbeing summarized by the PERMA acronym. They are: Positive emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning, Accomplishment. Mastery of these elements creates happiness and success.

Mindset: First defined by psychologist, Carol Dweck, in her book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, mindset is the blueprint by which our mind operates. Dr. Dweck defines two basic mindsets: growth and fixed. The growth mindset is open to failure and challenges, while the fixed mindset is not. Successful entrepreneurs and creative thinkers are thought to have a growth mindset.

Acceptance and Gratitude: In his book, Happy Money, the “Zen Millionaire” Ken Honda, notes that abundance flows to the grateful. Gratitude is an attractive force that we control. The more accepting we are of life’s conditions, the more grateful we become. This positive energy draws wealth, happiness, and success to us.

Mastering the “practical” law of attraction is within all our reach. Each of us has been blessed with freedoms and opportunities for improving our condition. No life is without some uncertainty, despair, and peril. How face these set-backs determine our trajectory in life. So, work hard, be positive, grow, find acceptance and always be grateful.

Moving Beyond Hate

March 20, 2021March 20, 2021 / Jame A. Agapoff, MD, MS (she/they) / Leave a comment

Someone once told me that a wild animal is most dangerous right before it dies. Because it is afraid, it will lash out, bite, and try to harm you.

I have been blessed to live in metropolitan areas where inclusion and diversity are the norm and not the exception. I’ve heard first hand accounts of hate speech, bigotry, and discrimination, from my minority friends. When you live in a melting pot of diversity, it’s easy to forget that parts of America are so divided and non-inclusive. Once you experience inclusion, it’s hard to see any merit in the arguments for limited rights.

The recent attack on Asian Americans and the Capital-Hill insurrection show us the power of hate speech. Hate speech is not protected by the First Amendment. Instigating a mob and an insurrection is not protected by the First Amendment. Perpetuators of this kind hate must be held to a higher standard. This is not “cancel culture;” it is simply accountability.

If we hope to move past the normalization of hate, bigotry, and discrimination, we need hold our elected officials to account. America needs individuals who hold their oaths more sacred than their chance for reelection; America needs individuals who will compromise and work for the nation rather than themselves. We need true conservatives and true liberals working together. Above all, America needs truth speakers and peace makers.

Demographics and the promise of new generations show me that America is changing. The wild animal that represents our hate and fear is dying, but it is more dangerous now than it has ever been. Let us stand together and build an America where everyones’ vote counts, hate is shunned, and we regain our place as the shining city on the hill.

Photo by Al-Azik Maulana Koentjoro on Pexels.com

Gratitude and Abundance

March 19, 2021March 20, 2021 / Jame A. Agapoff, MD, MS (she/they) / Leave a comment

I recently came across the work of author Ken Honda “The Zen Millionaire” and his book Happy Money: The Japanese Art of Making Peace with Your Money. The book is a fast read and Ken offers a number of commentaries on his work on podcasts available on YouTube.

As someone interested in psychology, mental health, and personal development, I resonated with Ken’s work. At the core of Ken’s philosophy is an idea that gratitude leads to abundance. Ken uses personal examples to emphasize this point. For example, after the launch of his book, Ken gave away thousands of copies. The publisher cringed, but Ken’s generosity paid off: he became a celebrity and this lead to more actual sales. Wow!

This idea of gratitude leading to abundance is easily applicable to everyday life. When we display gratitude and joy to our patrons, families, and friends, these qualities are attractive and cultivate generosity in them to us and others. Abundance flows to us like a fast moving stream — the source: gratitude.

One way Ken recommends to increase our gratitude around money is to thank it as it comes in and goes out of our life. Ken notes that he loves paying taxes because it reminds him that he is doing well and perhaps some of the money might be used for some good (despite big government waste). We are thankful when we pay the water bill because it gives up water, and we are thankful of paying rent because it gives us a home. Our gratitude mindset attracts abundance to us by our own generous magnetism. Being aligned with the natural flow of money creates a sense of peace and security, and this in turn leads to wealth. Interesting.

This idea of gratitude leading to abundance is not new. Many individuals describe “laws” of positive attraction; however, what Ken Honda teaches is something more practical and aligned with the theory of positive psychology, which focuses on the traits, mindsets, and actions for creating a happy and fulfilling life.

The Writings of Jame Agapoff

Always. Ever. Dragon.

Month: March 2021